The fear of what others think about us

06 September 2020 by
Whose opinion matters? Whose opinion matters?
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Our weekdays and actions are sometimes influenced by what others think about us, as unfortunately we regularly want to meet even completely unknown people’s expectations.


However, it is totally impossible, there will be always somebody who won’t like what we say, do or look like. We are all different, with various taste, thoughts and scales of values, so there is no point trying to gain everybody’s satisfaction.


If we think it over whose opinion matters in reality and which feedback we have to consider, we’ll realize quickly that the list is quite short. Of course we also need to listen to the critics from people we don’t know, because they can be constructive, but it’s not advisable to take actions merely according to them. In terms of our personal development there’s no doubt it’s useful to know how others see us, but meeting our own expectations is always the most important.


In fact, where does the fear of others’ view about us come from? Why is the majority scared of it? According to my own and my students’ experiences I believe that it’s often originated in our childhood. A lot of children have to fight for the love, positive feedback and attention of their parents and their teachers, and when being a teenager, for the acceptance of their friends, and the appreciation of the community too. How can adults have a healthy self-confidence, if they didn’t get unconditional love when they were kids?


“The first thing children have to be taught is not arithmetic and geometry, but to be themselves. Strong and cheerful people full of self-confidence, who – wherever they wind up – can trust themselves.”(Péter Müller)


As adults, this is why it’s important to boost our confidence consciously, to develop self-love and to face our fears, for example whether everybody else will accept us who we are. You can be sure that there are people who love you because of yourself, with all of your mistakes, and this is exactly what you also have to do, because:


“The more you like yourself, the less you fear anything.”(Brian Tracy)



(The Hungarian translation is available on



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